‘IT WAS NOT A FIT’

So. It’s been a while.

The last thing I posted here, I was the excited new guy at Ubisoft, going on about relocation specialists and mussels and fries at Café Bla-Bla. Then I went quiet. For about two years.

Let me explain a bit more…

If you’ve read “I Moved”, you’ll know I’ve done this before. Back then I was walking through green fields in France and realised I was unhappy at Star Citizen, and had been for years. So I cut the cord, packed up and moved to Canada. Big company, big franchise, big adventure. This was it. The thing I thought I wanted.

It didn’t turn out that way.

The project I’d moved over for disappeared pretty much as I landed. I ended up Art Director on a different (unannounced, can’t say) project, with my team in Montreal and me on my own in Sherbrooke, travelling up every month to see them. Always in meetings, always busy, always solving problems nobody had the answers to yet. I like to work, you know that. But by the end of the first year I was already putting in hardcore guardrails just so I didn’t burn out.

They didn’t hold.

I’ll be honest, because I think more people in this industry should be: I hit a wall. Some of that was me, some of it was the situation, and some of it was the place. When you’re running that low, things like writing blog posts are the first to go. Then everything else follows.

Here’s the bit that took me ages to admit. It just wasn’t a match. The job I’d been chasing for years was built for a different person than the one I actually am. And when you’ve wanted something for that long, saying “this doesn’t fit” feels like admitting you wasted all that wanting.

You didn’t, though. (I didn’t. Still working on believing that one.)

In games we iterate constantly. Block it out, test it, bin it, try again. Nobody calls a binned blockout a failure, it’s just how you find the good stuff. We’re a lot less kind to ourselves when the thing we’re iterating on is our own life.

So, early this year we came home. Back home to Manchester. And since the summer I’ve been Lead Environment Artist at Fateless, making things again, hands-on, with a team that gets it. Different pace, different scale, much better fit :)

If you’re chasing your own version of the big studio, keep chasing. Just check, every now and then, that it’s still what you want as you get closer. And if you get there and it isn’t? That’s allowed. Look after yourself first, take everything you learned, and go find the thing that fits.

Life isn’t always simple. It can be bumpy. Its up and down - even though I like it to always be up :D